When I don't Know What to Do
Currently I’m about halfway through illustrating my latest picture book. The story follows two children who slip into a dark world that would remind you of the inside of a clock. There’s lots of light and hope in the story and a little mouse who plays a lute. Hopefully the story will remind you a bit of Narnia.
A few weeks ago I illustrated a double page spread that takes place in that dark world. It looked good—both intricate, and interesting. So I began working on the next important double page spread—one of the most pivotal scenes in the book. As I worked on it, I kept glancing at that previous spread to make sure this next one flowed consistently with it. And every time I glanced, I felt uneasy.
I ignored the feeling and continued working until I finally felt so decidedly uneasy that I had to sit back and consider what was bothering me. I had painted the dark, clockwork world in neutral tones—lots of deep browns and some dull bronze. It made sense with the description. But it wasn’t childlike. It didn’t fit with the rest of the book. But what was the solution? Alter the painting some? A lot? Repaint it altogether? And if I did repaint it, how exactly should it be done? I didn’t have a clear vision.
Spreading all the illustrations out on the studio floor in order, I sat in a folding chair and stared at them. I paced the room and stared at them. I got down on the floor and stared at them. All of this from late afternoon until 4:00 am the next morning, and still I wasn’t sure of the way forward.
Recently a dear friend shared a verse with me from 2 Chronicles 20. In it, King Jehoshaphat is facing an overwhelming army. In his helpless state he calls out to God and says, “For we are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on You.”
As I sat and paced and stared, I repeated Jehoshaphat’s words, “I do not know what to do, but my eyes are on You.” I repeated it over and over again.
A few hours into the next day I found my way through. I knew I had to repaint the previous double page spread with all those intricate details as well as the one I’d been working on. It would put me a month behind schedule, but I knew I would catch up somehow and it would all be worth it.
Someday I’ll show you that illustration I chose not to put in the book and you’ll see how different it all would have turned out If I hadn’t backtracked. And when my book comes out, I hope you get a copy and pause at that illustration of the dark, clockwork world and know that it was an answer to a desperate prayer.
Blessings to you this week as you keep your eyes on the Lord, even at those times when it feels like you’re not making progress. And remember—sometimes the best way forward does include going backward.
~Amy