The Ugly Stage

Sometimes I forget exactly how I painted certain pictures. How did I get the light to shine down just right or the clouds to glow like the sun was coming through them? I don’t always know the answer, and that’s a problem since I may want to paint something like it again.

This is why I try to take photos throughout the painting process.

But I find, when I scan through the pictures on my phone, there’s often a big gap between one stage and another. I’ll have a photo of the very beginning of the painting, then maybe another taken soon afterward, but then the next picture is clearly much further along. I skipped something—some crucial link that was necessary to the process. It happens almost every time…

Again and again, I fail to document the ugly stage.

Why do I resist taking those helpful photos? Because the ugly stage shakes my confidence. It really does. Every time I see my painting looking ugly and haphazard with all the wrong colors, and sloppy lines sketched here and there, I feel uncertainty circling like sharks in the water. And at that point there’s no time for pictures. I’ve got to gather my courage and swim hard. It’s a fight. As I paint, I say things like, “It’s going to be beautiful. It’s going to be wonderful!” After a few repetitions, I begin to believe it.

And eventually, some hours later, I can actually see the painting’s potential again. With the sharks no longer circling, my confidence returns, I snap a photo, and months later I’m left wondering how I got from that earlier stage in my painting to the later stage. I can only guess.

No one likes the ugly parts of life. The really hard and scary parts. And people don’t typically snap photos of them either. Often we’re left looking at one another, in real life or on social media, wondering over how everyone else’s life is so perfect. How are they managing everything so well? How are they getting so much done? How are their kids so happy? But truly, we’re missing some very crucial pictures—all those in-between stages that would document the struggle. We can only guess what they might have looked like.

This week, as you scroll through social media or wave to a neighbor, resist the urge to compare yourself to those people. Pray for them instead. Because quite often, we are all in need of grace.    

Blessings to you,

~Amy